The Bentinel Logo Home | FAQ | Links | Book (New!) | Archive
Google
    Web TheBentinel.com
Bending the truth to fit the facts!
-- Clean, family-friendly news satire and parody --
 

Home

FAQ

Links

Book (New!)

Archive

RSS feed for The Bentinel




Let us send you an email when a new story is published! Enter your email address above and press Alert Me!
privacy policy


Did you know?
Church Sex-Scandal Settled For Poultry and Pontiac
(email to a friend)

IMTEEHED, AL - A Deacon of High Order in The One-And-Only True Church has settled the sex-abuse scandal that threatened to devastate the organization. Not all details of the settlement were revealed, however both parties say that the plaintiff, Ms. Victoria Blurg, will receive a 1978 Pontiac Phoenix and three Aracuna chickens. The settlement does not include an admission of wrongdoing.

"Those are the ones that lay green eggs," Ms. Blurg told reporters. "Iíve always wanted to have some. The chickens, I mean. The eggs too, but mainly the chickens."

The vehicle named in the settlement does not run and will not be made to run as part of the settlement.

Wally "Walleye" Hatfield, the Most Reverend of the church, said of the settlement, "Itís fair. I mean, itís not fair that we all got dragged into this. But itís fair to get it all out of the way. Fair like that." Hatfield was not the object of the scandal. His son, Wally "Walleye" Hatfield Jr., a Deacon Of High Order in the church, is accused of touching Ms. Blurg "in a way that made [her] feel like [she] was not being respected as a fellow deacon." The church itself was not named in the action.

"I only asked her could she just move over a bit. I mean, she ainít a small woman. And she was blocking the aisle. I may have put a hand on her shoulder, but... Man. I loved that car," said Hatfield Jr.

The ten-member congregation (All Deacons of Most High Order) voted to let "bygones be bygones" and get on with the business of the church.
(email to a friend)


TOP STORIES
   





Looking for the best web site in the whole world? Look no further than ZachsWorld.org! Loonwatch Islamophobia Ilisha, a site exposing the lies about Islam and Muslims. Do you think you have a Russian Girlfriend? Think again! Are you looking for a family portrait or wedding photographer in Dallas, Texas? Images by Andi is here for you! Looking for gently-used, cheap, tax-free cigarettes? They're available here. In the market for Weber Grills? This site has 'em. Are you addicted to sugar? Then you could use Self-Help for Sugar Addiction. Like movies? Check out these Movie Trailers. Down on your luck? Perhaps you'll need some Prescription Drugs Online. If that doesn't help, maybe you'll just stay home and Download movies. With the money you save on popcorn, you can play at this online casino . If you're driven into Drug Abuse, this site has the answer. Like jokes? Visit The Joke Teller Web Site! Like games or programs? Go to Josef's site!

Copyright 2003-2004, The Bentinel (http://TheBentinel.com), All Rights Reserved