EYERACK, TX - The small hamlet of Eyerack (population 1,800) is celebrating the state department's decision to lift sanctions against them. "In our opinion, neither the leadership nor the people of Eyerack pose a threat to national security," said Alan Fisher, of the state department, reading from a letter during a press conference. He took no questions.

"We never were a threat, it was ridiculous," said Lum Anglewood, mayor of Eyerack. "I mean, what were they thinking?"

Sanctions were levied against the village in June. They were largely symbolic, since the village does not export fissionable material, warships, or ballistic missiles. These and some other military items were in the list of prohibited exports. The only export is "canned pickled corn." Amelia Johnston, 68-year resident of Eyerack, has been growing the corn in her own garden for over half a century. "Not everyone likes it, but it's not dangerous," she said.

"I think this was a case of mistaken identity," theorized Anglewood. The state department refused our request for an interview.
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