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President Requests "A Zillion Dollars"
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WASHINGTON, D.C. - The president today raised eyebrows when he made a special budgetary request. Saying only that it was needed for "national security" and "black projects", the president formally requested "a zillion dollars."

"My constituents expect me to handle their tax money responsibly. I can't hand out that much money without more information," said Arkansas Senator Arlin Wayne. "I'm not saying he can't have the money, but I need to see more about how it's going to be spent."

"Is that really a number?" asked Missouri Senator Robert Walker. "I thought that was just one of those made-up things."

Citing a 3,200 page report outlining the various projects requiring funding, the president explained that the projects are "really, really, REALLY expensive" and that he "really, really, REALLY wants the money." A copy of the report was released to selected reporters in an ad hoc lottery, but the version was heavily redacted. The cover reads, "Request For [redacted] and [redacted]" The 3,200 pages themselves are black paper, effectively rendering the entire report useless.

Said one twenty-year veteran of Congress, "A zillion may not sound like much, but a zillion here, a zillion there. It adds up."
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