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Liberty Bell Leaves Pavilion Over "Cracked" Comments
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PHILACLOCCA, PA - The Liberty Bell announced today through its agent that its recent move from the Liberty Bell Pavilion was not simply a matter of choosing another venue for its display. "The Bell wants the public to know the truth," said Lawrence Walken, the Bell's agent and spokesman. "Now that the move is completed and the Bell has served its role in the ceremony, the time is right for the discussion."

The problem stems from a comment made by a city-employed tour guide during a tour of the Pavilion. The guide referred to the Bell as "the cracked symbol of democracy." "It's not that the guide was being especially rude," explained Walken, "it's simply that the Bell has grown tired of being known for its one flaw. So we officially asked that the Pavilion staff refrain from using the term 'cracked' and other related terms to describe the Bell. They refused."

"Of course we call it cracked. It IS cracked. And more than that, the crack has significance in our history and culture. We'd be negligent to ignore it." So says Ameria Blymyth, the Pavilion's tourism director. "We don't preach to our guides, 'tell 'em about the crack!' but the visitors always ask. Why wouldn't they?"

The President of the Pavilion Society, Dr. Anthony Beak is more conciliatory. "I can understand the Bell's position. No one wants their flaws pointed out in public, much less printed in brochures and displayed on placards. I regret that the Bell has chosen to make these views public, however, since that places us all in a most uncomfortable position."

The move, it seems, was worked out behind closed doors as a remedy for the Bell's complaints against the Pavilion. The Pavilion paid for the costs of the move, including all security and equipment, in exchange for the Bell not pursuing the matter further. According to Dr. Beak, there was a confidentiality clause precluding the Pavilion or the Bell from discussing the matter publicly. "We will be discussing the matter with our legal team. The Bell can be expecting a letter from us. And a bill."

"They want to sue The Liberty Bell, eh?" responded Walken, "That's a good PR move."
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