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Anti-Spam(tm) Bill Defeated In Senate
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WASHINGTON - The U.S. Senate voted Wednesday on a highly controversial bill that would have eliminated Spam(tm) in America. "This was not a defeat for me," said Senator Ryan Loraine, of Oregon, "The American waistline suffered a defeat today."

Spam has been sold in the U.S. since 1937, selling over five billion cans, according to the Hormel web site.

"It's an abomination to know that in the 21st century, we're still feeding this tripe to our children," said Loraine, "and I really thought we had the political will to stop it. But the special interests weigh in, and when they do, what can be done?"

"The senator is mistaken," responds Allen Hormel-Rankin, head of product development for Hormel's Spam division. "Spam has been and continues to be a very nutritious and delicious meat product. It has a higher salt content than unprocessed meat, but it is in line with other processed meats, such as bologna. And we provide a lower-sodium version of Spam. With all of the food products on the market, many with questionable and even dangerous content, why would he choose to pick on an American staple?"

"I just don't like it," admitted Loraine. "My mother used to fry it with mustard and put it on a sandwich. I ate those stupid things three times a week."

The bill was defeated by a vote of 99 to 1.
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