WITSUMELP, OH - An anonymous digit calling himself "pi" has become a whistleblower, revealing that numbers do in fact lie. "It's not like it's really a secret, though we usually don't talk about it. But I couldn't keep it quiet any longer," pi told The Bentinel.

"Look at any statistic. Do you really believe it? Isn't it funny that no one ever says, 'We set out to prove that people like our new service, but it turns out that they hate it.' What did you think, they were just lucky? Did you all think they just happened to guess right every time, before gathering the stats?" pi asked in mock disbelief. "And how would you explain contradictory studies?"

"I think he's mis-stating the problem," said Erwin Violet, a statistician with Numbopedia, "the numbers themselves don't 'lie' per se, it is the way those numbers are presented. If I promise to increase my spending on furniture by 150% this year, without revealing that I actually spent zero last year, that's misleading. The numbers aren't lying, but it could be argued that I am."

"With all due respect to Mr. Violet," responded pi, "he doesn't know numbers like I know numbers. He's bought into the racket, just like the other numbers always said people would. Five, in particular, hugely corrupt. Always pushed for 10-based systems just so he'd always be in the middle. And don't even think about trusting the square of anything."

Counsel for five read a statement during a press conference, saying "Mr. Five feels that without frank dialogue between himself and this 'pi', nothing is going to be solved. If he wants to reveal himself and have a public discussion, fine. But this 'shooting from behind a rock' business is to no one's benefit."

Said Infinity, "I've seen his kind before, this 'pi'. They come, they stir up their trouble, and soon they're subtracted out. It's a shame, really."

The square root of two did not return our calls for comment.
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