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Man Smuggles ICBM Onto Airline To Show It Can Be Done
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SAN FRANCISCO, CA - Authorities are still trying to figure out how Burt Horowill, a self-employed plumber, managed to get an intercontinental ballistic missile (ICBM) aboard a Continental Airlines flight Saturday afternoon. "The sheer size of the thing should've set off an alarm somewhere. How did he even get it through the door of the plane?" asked Detective Eric Zachston, of the San Francisco Police. Zachston is working with the FBI, who is questioning Horowill.

"We want to know why he did it, but there's a lot more to it than that," said Agent Aimee Hodgely. "He came to have in his possession an ICBM. These things weigh a few dozen tons and cost over 50 million dollars. He was found in his seat on the plane, patting the thing full assembled and taking up most of the passenger area. Yeah, we want to know how he did that."

The plane itself is grounded, pending safe removal of the missile. Inspectors have confirmed that there is no warhead or payload, and the rocket engines are not fueled. It is thought that the missile could actually be a mock-up and not a real ICBM, though this has not been determined.

"He's been saying that people can sneak anything on to planes," said Horowill's wife, Gertrude. "It really seemed to bother him, 'Something's got to be done,' he'd say. And he's spent most of his evenings out in the garage. I never thought but that he'd be building a continental whatsit." When asked about any recent unusual purchases her husband might have made, she responded, "No, nothing unusual. Acetylene, sheet aluminum, stuff anyone might need."

The police are investigating who funded the project, which would require many thousands of dollars, even if only for a mock-up.
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