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Airline Appoints Magic 8-Ball CEO
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ATLANTA, GA - U.S. Airelines announced Friday that it has fired its current CEO and replaced him with a Magic 8-Ball. The current CEO, Rusty Louis, said in a statement, "I have grown in my time with U.S. Airelines, and so has the company. I appreciate everything the company has done for me, and I hope my tenure here can be looked upon favorably. I wish the best for my replacement." The Magic 8-Ball said, "It is decidedly so.".

"We knew Rusty's job was basically a crap shoot," said board member Valorie Sajak, "so his multi-million dollar salary and bonus package just didn't make fiscal sense. We've looked for alternatives for a few months. We tried dice, but they're so open to interpretation. I mean, what does '6' mean? Is 'snake eyes' bad? Then we found the 8-ball."

The Magic 8-Ball is a toy produced by Tyco Toys, Inc. It consists of a black hollow ball resembling a billiard "8-ball", containing an icosahedron suspended in a blue fluid. Shaking and inverting the ball causes one of the 20 faces of the icosahedron to float to the top and become visible through a window, revealing a random answer to a yes-or-no question. Half of the possible answers are 'yes' or variations on it, while the remaining answers are evenly split between 'no' and 'maybe/ask again'.

"I think the Ball's gonna work out great," said Byron Tenstein, a package handler at U.S. Airelines' main hub in Atlanta. "Our negotiator met with him yesterday to discuss our union's request for a pay hike. He just said, 'Can we have the raise?', shook it, and it said, 'Outlook good.' We're scheduled to meet with it again next week, hopefully we can hammer that down to a 'Yes - definitely' or at least a 'Most likely'."

The Magic 8-Ball in use at U.S. Airlines was previously owned by a granddaughter of one of the board members. It was purchased for an undisclosed amount.

If this arrangement works out for U.S. Airelines, look for other players in the industry and in other sectors to do the same, say analysts. With profits waning and workers demanding more benefits, upper management is an area companies are happy to trim.
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