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Bremer's "Lotto Plan" For Iraq Aid Under Scrutiny
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BAGHDAD, IRAQ - Paul Bremer is facing a congressional investigation over his plan to use some of the 87 billion dollar aid package to buy lottery tickets. "We know the American people aren't comfortable paying over $300 a piece on average to fund the rebuilding of a country they'll never visit. But they aren't going to stand for any of that being used to buy scratch tickets!" said Senator Leon Tegar, visibly angered by the idea.

"With all due respect to the Senator, we're not talking about sending every Iraqi to the local drugstore to buy a scratch-off." Responded Bremer, "We are in a unique position. Most people buy one ticket, two, maybe they pool together and buy a hundred tickets. We can buy millions."

Bremer explained that he plans to buy 30 million dollars worth of tickets in any lottery in the world where the prize is more than 100 million. "This way we can lose twice and still make ten million on the third one. It's like printing money!"

"Mr. Bremer is simply mistaken," said Mazen Deis, manager of The High Card, a casino in Atlantic City. "He's taking the same strategy as our patrons that bet a dollar, lose, then bet two dollars, then four, doubling each time until they win. Trouble is, they eventually lose enough times in a row that they wipe out any winnings. Gambling is fun, but no gambler makes money at it."

Roberta Mikball is the Director for the Kentucky Lottery: "We always tell people the same thing: You can't win if you don't play, but please pay responsibly. This doesn't strike me as particularly responsible."

"Hey, it's only a hundred million," said Bremer, smiling. "Let's have some fun. Live a little."
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