CRAWFORD, TX - President Bush met this weekend with his attorneys and a Texas PR firm to draft a new banner to accompany his next speech on Iraq. "We didn't want another 'Mission Accomplished' bull's-eye plastered on the President's back," said lead attorney Jacob Snyder, "so we were very careful with the language. But the PR people were quick to point out the need for brevity. Like a billboard, the banner needed to hit quick. I think we accomplished that."

The new banner will reportedly read, "Mission* Mostly** Accomplished***" in a font size that puts the capital M at four feet high and three-and-a-half feet wide. The stars following each word link to smaller text that will be printed under each word. This will be printed in letters one quarter of an inch high. The complete text is too long to reproduce here, but an excerpt from the "Mission*" portion reads as follows: "'Mission' is defined as the ousting of Saddam Hussein from his palaces in Baghdad and removal of his authority over the Iraqi people. It does not include actually locating or capturing Hussein, nor does it specifically address bringing any definition of 'peace' to the area. Further, in using the word 'ousting', the President does not…" The entire text of the banner can be viewed at the web site developed for it. Due to the overwhelming volume of text, the server may be unavailable, especially during peak hours.

"If anybody wants to criticize THIS mamba-jamba," said the President, "just bring 'em on!"
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