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Huge Hepatitis Outbreak Linked To The Eschalot
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PITTSBURGH, PA - Chi-Chi's inadvertently stepped on a legal landmine when they decided to give Internet access to their customers. Some customers stumbled upon the popular satire site "The Eschalot" (now called "The Bentinel") and were sent into fits of hysterical laughter. Several were hospitalized with hepatitis-like symptoms.

"You can't foresee something like this," said Chi-Chi's manager Roy Leendlin, "We're in a hip town, I thought it might bring us a few customers. We'd especially like to tap that Applebee's crowd. We sure didn't expect this."

An eschalot, or shallot, is a green onion often used in Mexican dishes. It is a component of Chi-Chi's signature salsa.

"We're investigating it as a food-related incident," said CDC investigator Howard Lourdes. "The people were laughing quite hard, but we saw other underlying symptoms that suggest more was at work. Any time eschalots are involved -- and here we have two distinct types -- we expect trouble."

The CDC intends to conclude its investigation within a week. As a precaution, they recommend either eating eschalots or reading "The Eschalot", but not both in the same twenty-four hour period.

Already in the throes of bankruptcy, this is one more hit Chi-Chi's takes as it tries to position itself to survive. "The store did not have authorization from corporate to give anyone Internet access," stated Vice-President of Retail Rolinda Washington, "and certainly we expect better discretion from our managers than to allow people access to humorous web sites while eating."
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