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Ozone Layer Outraged Over Kyoto Protocol
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STRATOSPHERE, EARTH - At a hastily organized press conference late Tuesday afternoon, the Ozone Layer presented its views on the Kyoto Protocol, an international environmental initiative. "I'm not really the hot item that I was in the 80's. Like Cyndi Lauper, I was 'in' and then I was 'out'. But also like her, I still want to be heard."

"This 'protocol' is bunk," continued the Layer, "It doesn't address any real issues, it is simply a lightning rod. Where is the actual reduction? Who's going to fix my ever-expanding hole? Don't think I'm going to do it, because I'm not. It's up to each one of you." The Layer listed several statistics showing overall production of so-called "greenhouse gasses" has increased sharply, despite glowing industrial reports. He made a derisive reference to the Montreal Protocol, then concluded by saying, "And of course the United States hasn't even been party to it. Now Russia's backing out. I'm really just disgusted with all of you." The Layer refused to take questions and quickly dispersed.

"Obviously the Ozone Layer has its priorities, and so do we." said Vince Tagerat, Vice-President of Operations for Greater Earth Energy Corp, "Yes, cleaner air. Yes, cleaner water. But yes, affordable energy. Yes, Growth. I think the Layer is missing the big picture."

The Ozone Layer is a five-mile thick blanket surrounding the earth, however, so it is difficult to see how it could 'miss the big picture'. Harrison Ford, actor and environmentalist, agrees: "We depend on that blanket, and it represents the entire environment. Our attitude toward one reflects our attitude toward the other. It doesn't have 'priorities', and frankly, sometimes it seems neither do we."

Officially, Russia has not backed out of the Kyoto Protocol. Some analysts say the country would actually benefit from it. Neither our calls to Moscow nor the Stratosphere were returned.
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