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Study Suggests Dogs Do Know It's Not Bacon
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ST LOUIS, MISSOURI - Ralston Purina, makers of the dog treat Beggin' Strips, are calling the latest research into their product "flawed, baseless, and defamatory." The consumer advocacy group Truth In Advertising Foundation (TAF) has concluded a study that they say proves dogs do know that Beggin' Strips are not Bacon.

"I can understand why they'd be upset," said Pat Rhobens, spokesman for TAF, "but the data is clear." TAF researchers fed one group of dogs a steady diet of bacon for two months. Another group was fed only Beggin' Strips. A third control group was never given either, but received standard dry dog food. At the end of two months, each dog was offered three bowls containing an identical ground mash of either bacon, Beggin' Strips, or dog food. Each dog in the first two groups continued to eat the food given to him over the study, indicating that they could tell one from the other. "It's noteworthy that when given a chance to eat real bacon, group two and several members of group three chose to eat Beggin' Strips. Maybe the company could remarket it with some sort of 'Dogs choose it over bacon' sort of slogan."

"We appreciate the dog groomer's marketing tips," responded Terence E. Block, icily. Block is the Executive Vice President and Chief Operating Officer for Ralston Purina Pet Products, North America. "However, we are comfortable with our product and our marketing of it. This single study is hardly one to hang your hat on. We're still comfortable that when one of our consumers approaches a strip of crinkly, pressed, flavored meat product, that consumer smiles inwardly and thinks, 'Bacon!'"

"I remember thinking, 'Yeah, it looks like bacon. But it really doesn’t taste like bacon,'" said Tyler McVey. McVey spent several years in a mental hospital thinking that he was dog. "Mom would bring me Milk Bones every week. She tried those generic things, but I wouldn't eat them. She'd find them buried under a blanket in my room. For a special treat, sometimes she'd bring me Beggin' Strips. They were good, don't get me wrong. But taste like bacon? No, I don't think so."

Ralston-Purina stock was unaffected by the release of the study.
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