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Gadhaffi Contracts Mad Kowtow Disease
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TRIPOLI, LIBYA - The personal physician of Libyan leader Colonel Moammar Gadhaffi has confirmed what American medical investigators from the Pentagon had suspected for months -- Gadhaffi has Mad Kowtow Disease. Still in its early stages, the disease is treatable with intense "rogue therapy" and medication.

"The Colonel has not been himself lately, I told him he needed to allow me to examine him," said Dr. Rabin Amer. "Finally, he agreed to an MRI. Then the damage was obvious."

Compliant Spongebrain Entrophia (CSE) -- commonly known as Mad Kowtow Disease -- strikes one in a thousand world leaders, particularly when faced with a considerable potential loss of land or power. Under its influence, their entire method of leadership can change, generally leading to treaties and bridge-building policies. It is widely believed that Mussolini suffered from CSE, though evidence of the disease decays rapidly after death and thus cannot be confirmed post-mortem.

"This is not a good thing. We should not be dealing with this man right now," said Jefferson Soma, Director of the Pew Research Group for International Studies. "Here is a man that has been diagnosed with a mind-altering disease. He is making decisions that go against his own decades-old policies. Not only is it patently unfair to take advantage of a sick man, it is unwise to make deals with such a man because he is unlikely to keep his word once his disease clears up."

"We are satisfied that Colonel Gadhaffi is acting on his own free will," said Secretary of State Colin Powell. "The decision he has made to discontinue his weapons of mass destruction programs can only benefit his people and his administration. If it took a little CSE to grow some sense in him, so be it."

"As for my neighbors, in my opinion I should believe that they should follow the steps of Libya, take an example from Libya, so that they prevent any tragedy being inflicted upon their own people," Gadhaffi said, adding, "and I think they will find that to live more, love more. These and thinking less of power and prestige, they will be with the inner peace they know they really want. I know I am with that peace now. And I am happy."

North Korea, Iran, and Syria have all sent condolences to Gadhaffi.
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