The Bentinel Logo Home | FAQ | Links | Book (New!) | Archive
Bending the truth to fit the facts!
-- Clean, family-friendly news satire and parody --




Book (New!)


RSS feed for The Bentinel

Let us send you an email when a new story is published! Enter your email address above and press Alert Me!
privacy policy

Did you know?
National Guard Laptop Refuses To Install Anti-Virus Software
(email to a friend)

GRANVILLE, OH - A laptop used by the Ohio National Guard faces decommissioning and possibly destruction over its continued refusal to install anti-virus software. "I'm already slow, I'm a Pentium 75, for goodness sake," said the IBM ThinkPad, "If I let them install that hog on me, I'll be useless." The laptop has issued several system errors and locked up in protest.

"We can't allow individual choice on this issue," stated James Sims, spokesman for the Guard. "We need all these machines protected. One rogue machine catches a virus and it could disrupt an entire unit. And how can I know when I order the machine to install something else, that it won't refuse?"

Experts agree there is little risk associated with installing the software, however some risk does remain. "In study after study, the risk is there, it is clear, and it is ignored," said attorney for the laptop, Kenneth Levine. "Especially is that true for high-risk machines, such as my client. To try to force this resource hog on a machine like this is tantamount to sending a senior citizen through basic training."

"All I want to do is serve my country," said the ThinkPad, "I can do word processing, email, everything the other laptops can do. I just don't want that anti-virus stuff. It's my hard drive, my processor, my memory. It isn't fair."

A recent federal court decision against forced Anthrax vaccinations for soldiers may not work in the laptop's favor. "It will likely not affect this case," said Sims, "The ThinkPad has shown us how it feels. Despite any court rulings, there isn't going to be a place on any military desk for it."
(email to a friend)


Looking for the best web site in the whole world? Look no further than! Loonwatch Islamophobia Ilisha, a site exposing the lies about Islam and Muslims. Do you think you have a Russian Girlfriend? Think again! Are you looking for a family portrait or wedding photographer in Dallas, Texas? Images by Andi is here for you! Looking for gently-used, cheap, tax-free cigarettes? They're available here. In the market for Weber Grills? This site has 'em. Are you addicted to sugar? Then you could use Self-Help for Sugar Addiction. Like movies? Check out these Movie Trailers. Down on your luck? Perhaps you'll need some Prescription Drugs Online. If that doesn't help, maybe you'll just stay home and Download movies. With the money you save on popcorn, you can play at this online casino . If you're driven into Drug Abuse, this site has the answer. Like jokes? Visit The Joke Teller Web Site! Like games or programs? Go to Josef's site!

Copyright 2003-2004, The Bentinel (, All Rights Reserved