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U.S. Blames Canada For Mad Cow, August Blackout, Civil War
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SUNNYSIDE, WASHINGTON - Officials announced Saturday that in light of the evidence that the recent Mad Cow discovery in the U.S. can be traced to Canada, other previous charges against Canada were also being reviewed. "We talked with officers and technicians from First Energy," said Zachary Sorrez, head of the Task Force to Blame Canada, "and they have confirmed that it is probable that the blackout actually originated north of the border." The Task Force has also assembled a group of historians to investigate Canada's role in the American Civil War.

"It's not like it's untouched territory," said historian Wren Cramer, "We know that Canadians fought on both sides of the war. Some even attained high rank. Vinet's book is the authority on the matter." Cramer referred to the book Canada and the American Civil War - Prelude to War, by Canadian historian Mark Vinet. Portions of the book are cited in the Task Force's draft report to Congress.

"It is outrageous," responded Paul Martin, recently installed Prime Minister of Canada. "To think that in the midst of the cock-up over Iraqi reconstruction contracts, the U.S. would make such un-neighborly accusations, it is simply inconceivable. Of course we are completely innocent in regards to the blackout, in fact we are ourselves victims. It is notable that we have not sought compensation from the U.S. or the First Energy corporation, and now this is our reward."

"This isn't just going to go away," said White House Spokesman Scott McClellan, "The President has said that he wants these matters fully investigated. Any country that interferes with our sovereignty, our electrical grid, and our food supply will not be looked upon favorably."

"I thought 'Canadian Bacon' was just another bad American movie," said the Canadian Foreign Secretary, "I didn't realize it was meant to be prophetic."
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