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Iraq's Weapons Of Mass Destruction Located
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BAGHDAD, Iraq - In a stunning vindication of the Bush administration's claims that Saddam Hussein was secretly continuing his WMD programs, Danish troops have located a cache of chemical weapons. "We've never wavered in our position that this madman was reassembling his WMD horde," said Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, "and now we've got our smoking gun."

"Actually, we're not entirely certain what the fuss is about," said Colonel Paul Cohen of the Dutch Army. "The items we recovered could technically be considered chemicals, I suppose, but we weren't as convinced as our American counterparts." The Dutch team was digging latrine facilities when they discovered a subterranean vault containing canned goods, bottled water, and several canisters of expired Tang. "The Tang, of course, set off alarms for us, because in its expired state, it is technically a dangerous chemical," the Colonel explained. U.S. Commandos were called in who immediately seized the Tang and reported the find to Washington.

"We are running tests now to see if the materials are authentic, and are actually expired," said L. Paul Bremer, civilian head of the Coalition Provisional Authority currently in control of Iraq, "and if we find that they are, we're going to want to determine how these materials fell into hostile hands. Any American company found to have provided these materials will certainly be in for some serious legal difficulties," he warned.

Worldwide reaction to the find has been mixed. "Naturally, we rejoice with our American friends that the butcher of Baghdad is in custody," said Tony Blair, Prime Minister of Britain, "however to make the leap from expired morning juice substitute to weapon of mass destruction is a bit more than we are comfortable making at the present time." French President Jacques Chirac said, "Here is yet another attempt by the U.S. to be 'right', when it is obviously 'wrong'. French troops will fight and die for a righteous nation, but not for a nation that is simply 'right'."

"Our coalition of forty nations celebrates with us this long awaited find," stated President Bush at a hastily-called press conference. "Our hearts have told us for years what our brains told us must be true. At last we have the proof. Let the nay-sayers take heed; we said there were weapons, we went in, and we found 'em. Case closed."

It is not clear how the discovery will affect charges that will be brought against Saddam Hussein at his eventual war crimes trial. "Just the presence of the product on his soil shows his contempt for his own people," said Rumsfeld, "Have you ever tried it? Even fresh, it's disgusting."
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