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The Dollar Is Down, Says Psychiatrist
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LOS ANGELES, California - A California psychiatrist has confirmed what has been the financial buzz for several months. "The dollar is down, and not just the general blues we all get from time to time. It is clinically depressed. I am prescribing Zoloft in an attempt to stabilize it," said Dr. Sylvia Pheres, a psychiatrist with the Los Angeles Psychiatric Hospital. "We've only had one session together, it will take several sessions before I can seriously expect to see some recovery."

"She was right, absolutely right," said The Dollar, "The war, the unemployment, and I really did have some unrealistic views of myself that I could never hope to live up to. It all conspired to move me beyond my breaking point."

Clinical depression is defined as a state of depression and anhedonia so severe as to require clinical intervention. It is also generally accepted that so-called normal depression can be differentiated from clinical depression in that it lasts for more than four weeks without relief.

"I've been telling him for six months -- see somebody. Talk to somebody. I'm glad he finally did it," said The Yen. "His numbers were falling, everybody could see it. Even the Euro looked buff next to him. There was talk of an intervention. 'Do you want to end up like The Dinar?' I remember asking him. We're very close. This has been extremely hard on me."

Who will pay for the treatment is still unclear. Understanding the need, Dr. Pheres agreed to treat The Dollar and delay billing until the issue was sorted out. The U.S. Mint issued a statement that read in part, "We sympathize with The Dollar's unfortunate circumstances and wish him the best. However it is not within our mandate to provide him with ongoing care. We will look to the legislature to solve this dilemma." Senator Hillary Clinton, who spearheaded her husband's doomed health care program during his presidency, has said she would take up The Dollar's cause. In a speech during a recent fundraiser, she asked "If we can't maintain the health of a single dollar, how could we be expected to maintain the health of our economy?"

"I'm just glad to finally be getting some help," said The Dollar.
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