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Bush Announces "Free Moon Trip" Job-Training Program
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WASHINGTON - Reporters were scrambling after the President's State of the Union address to verify his intention to send private citizens to the moon for job-training. He said in the address, "We will be the first nation to place civilians on the moon, to be trained and to work the lunar soil, building a lunar society for the betterment of Earth." Today the White House issued a press release regarding the proposed plan.

"The President wants to extend to the citizens of the world's only superpower the unprecedented opportunity to broaden their horizons with a trip to and extended stay on the moon. On the lunar surface, these adventurers will learn new and valuable skills, develop a wealth of knowledge about extraterrestrial living, and create infrastructure for those that will follow," the release stated, in part.

"It's slavery, pure and simple. The Bush administration is trying to force people to bear the burden of colonizing the moon. Reagan gave us the Star Wars era. Bush is bringing on the Battlestar Galactica era," said political commentator Bill O'Reilly, "Did anybody notice this ticket to the moon is one-way?"

"The term 'one-way' is misleading," responded White House spokesman Scott McClellan, "The program provides them free transport to the moon to join a work program. The terms of the program indicate that they are to paid for the work they perform on the lunar surface. There will be mining activities, construction, logistics. Soon there will be transportation, entertainment, a service industry. The salaries paid to these forward-looking pioneers will more than pay for their return trip in a few short years."

"I'd go," said Larry Walden, an unemployed carpenter's assistant, "I don't care if they never bring me back. Only, they'll have to pay me in cash 'cause I ain't got a checking account. Do they have them check cashing places on the moon?"
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