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Neanderthals Weren't Human; Probably Martian
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NEW YORK - Dr. Katerina Harvati, a paleoanthropologist at New York University, reported results Saturday suggesting that Neanderthals were not human. Based on these findings, Elwood Barkstedler has determined the true origin of the Neanderthal. "The source of the cranial structures we see in the Neanderthalian skull is unquestionably Mars," said Barkstedler.

"Science thrives because of the crackpots," said Harvati, "I applaud Mr. Barkstedler's dedication to research. Though I can't honestly say I agree with his conclusions. All indications are that Mars has never sustained any form of higher life. Add to this the chance that anything would survive a trip from the Red Planet and we're left with an inescapable conclusion."

Barkstedler remains convinced. "The lower forehead would allow for the greater radiation exposure they experienced on their home planet. The wider jaw would accept a larger quantity of vegetable matter, necessary due to the reduced photosynthesis activity," he explained. "If other scientists will allow prevailing views of Martian history to cloud their thinking, that is for them to decide. But from where I am standing, the facts are clear."

"By that same measure," said Harvard Paleontology Professor Stephen J. Gould, "a goodly number of people I see at the grocery store are probably Martians. I'm afraid it takes a bit more than a skull to make the leap from Earth to Mars."

An upcoming issue of the science magazine Discover will contain an article detailing Dr. Harvati's work. It will not, however, contain a reference to Barkstedler's theory.
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