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Sharpton: "Don't Count Me Out Yet"
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NEW YORK, New York - Despite a very poor showing in the Super Tuesday primaries and caucuses, and lacking any opportunity to recover the losses, Al Sharpton says he's still in the race. "Don't count me out yet," he said to reporters outside his campaign headquarters in New York. "There are nine candidates for the Democratic ticket. Did I come in ninth in South Carolina? Did I come in seventh? Did I come in sixth? The people of South Carolina saw fit to choose me as their number three man. Two unfortunate accidents later, and Reverend Al is number one!" he effused, his supporters cheering.

"I haven't taken any calls from Reverend Sharpton," said Bill Clinton, former President, and advisor to many democratic candidates, "but if he were to call, I would suggest it might be time to pack it in. Unless he can get some more states added to the Union, I think the Democratic ticket is pretty much sealed up."

"Is he really a Reverend?" asked Carl Neumann, an electrical contractor. "I mean, you know, like a 'real' Reverend? Can they run for political office? Isn't that a separation of church and state thing? I guess it doesn't matter, since he's not gonna win. He or that Kisseemuch guy. And isn't there a Ralph Something?"

President Bush apparently feels that his opponent has already been chosen, though he has been careful not to specifically name Kerry. One ad shown to reporters contains the line, "President Bush means steady leadership. Much better leadership than you might find, for instance, in a tallish, graying Senator with a rich wife. Whose first name could be John. For example."

"He can stay in the race as long as he likes," answered Kerry, when asked if he thinks Sharpton should withdraw his candidacy, "Of course, I would suggest he at least plan on scaling things back come November."
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