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Music Industry Rocked By Crosby Drug Possession Charges
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NEW YORK, New York - The music industry is reeling this morning from the news that musician David Crosby, a founding member of Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young, has been charged with drug possession. "This is the kind of thing that makes us all look bad," said shock-rocker Marilyn Manson, "People hear about one artist turning to substance abuse, and suddenly it's assumed we all have a problem."

"Oh sure, everybody talks about it, but who would actually use the stuff?" asked Paul Simon, singer, song writer, and famous half of Simon & Garfunkel. "I know you've heard about Art's unfortunate cock-up, but I can assure you he was holding that for someone else and didn't know what it was. He's never even seen the stuff, he probably thought it was Tarragon or something."

Not everyone in the industry is so sure the problem is an isolated one. "I know I've been offered drugs before," admitted pop-diva Britney Spears, "but I just say 'No'. And it's not like it happens all the time. Most people like a Zima now and then, but that's about as hard as it gets. But I'm not blind, I know there are people out there with a problem."

Also skeptical is Bob Denver, television's Gilligan of Gilligan's Island. Denver himself was indicted for possession of marijuana in 1998. "There are drugs out there for the folks who want them," said Denver, "They're not proud of it, but they're there. I'm straight now, clean since my arrest. And I don't hang with that crowd anymore. But believe me, no matter what anybody claims, they're still there."

"We're talking to Mr. Crosby," said New York City police detective Byron Limekiller, "If there are any other rock stars abusing drugs, we'll be sure to get to the bottom of it."
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