The Bentinel Logo Home | FAQ | Links | Book (New!) | Archive
Bending the truth to fit the facts!
-- Clean, family-friendly news satire and parody --




Book (New!)


RSS feed for The Bentinel

Let us send you an email when a new story is published! Enter your email address above and press Alert Me!
privacy policy

Did you know?
FDA: Fat Is A Drug
(email to a friend)

ROCKVILLE, Maryland - Pointing to the recent studies showing the health hazards associated with the consumption of fat, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration has begun the process to recategorize fat as a drug. "American citizens are dying every single day because of our lack of regulation," said FDA Commissioner Mark McClellan, "These studies conclusively prove that we need to intervene."

"There is no way they can do this," said U.S. Representative Tom Allen, "I backed the FDA when they wanted to regulate tobacco, but that's just an entirely different matter. Everybody eats fat. It's not like it's poison. If you eat too much celery, you'll die, too. It's about moderation."

"I think regulation of this addictive substance is way overdue," said diet and fitness guru Susan Powter, "People can't be trusted to regulate themselves. You give them alcohol; they get drunk. You grow a plant; they dry it and smoke it. It's only human nature that if you give them some tasty, fatty food, they'll blow up like mindless blimps. Something has to be done."

Bearing on the issue is a related question now making the legislative rounds, should consumers be allowed to sue restaurants for letting them get fat? "That becomes a non-issue when you put us in charge," responded McClellan, "Restaurants -- even fast food places -- would come under the FDA umbrella. They can't sell you spoiled meat, rotten veggies, or tainted condiments. We won't let them. And with this new power, we can keep them from making you fat!"

"I have to admit," said Tom "Tubs" Cracken, "I believe that I made me fat. I weigh over 300 pounds. I'm not proud of it, but I don't think it's anybody's fault but mine."

"I sympathize with Mr. Cracken," replied McClellan, "but I can't agree with that. I place the blame for his obesity on the shoulders of the unregulated sections of our food chain. If I can keep just one child from getting an unflattering nickname, then I'll know I've done my job."
(email to a friend)


Looking for the best web site in the whole world? Look no further than! Loonwatch Islamophobia Ilisha, a site exposing the lies about Islam and Muslims. Do you think you have a Russian Girlfriend? Think again! Are you looking for a family portrait or wedding photographer in Dallas, Texas? Images by Andi is here for you! Looking for gently-used, cheap, tax-free cigarettes? They're available here. In the market for Weber Grills? This site has 'em. Are you addicted to sugar? Then you could use Self-Help for Sugar Addiction. Like movies? Check out these Movie Trailers. Down on your luck? Perhaps you'll need some Prescription Drugs Online. If that doesn't help, maybe you'll just stay home and Download movies. With the money you save on popcorn, you can play at this online casino . If you're driven into Drug Abuse, this site has the answer. Like jokes? Visit The Joke Teller Web Site! Like games or programs? Go to Josef's site!

Copyright 2003-2004, The Bentinel (, All Rights Reserved