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Sedna Lobbying For Planet Status
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OUTER REACHES, Sol System - The newly discovered object orbiting the sun at a distance of over 8 billion miles has hired the prestigious New York PR firm Rubenstein Associates to help it gain planet status. "Now that the body has been detected, it doesn't want to suffer the fate of Pluto, having its planet-status constantly questioned," said Parke Spencer, Senior Vice President of Rubenstein Associates, "When people think 'Sedna', we will make sure they think 'Planet'. Not 'planetoid'. Not 'Kuiper belt object'. And certainly not -- God help us -- 'Oort Cloud object'. We're under a tight schedule, opinions are being formed now. But we have assured our client that we can cement her status."

"Sedna is clearly a planet," said planetary scientist Alan Stern of the Southwest Research Institute, in Boulder, Colorado, "It has been shaped by its own gravity. Any object massive enough to be so shaped qualifies as a planet in my book."

Not all astronomers agree, however. "A planet is big, bigger than other things around it," explained astronomer Michael Brown of the California Institute of Technology, "It's a relative thing. If you're an ant, then an anthill is big. If you're an asteroid, or a Kuiper belt object, is Sedna big? I don't think so. Sedna just doesn't fall into the 'planet' column for me. But then, I don't think Pluto qualifies, either."

"Oh, Sedna definitely qualifies as a planet," said Kevin Casey, Vice President, Business Development for Educational Insights, "That's why we're working now to update our popular motorized solar system model to accommodate it. We'll be getting in touch with our customers with an upgrade offer as soon as it's available."

On the advice of Rubenstein Associates, Sedna is not accepting requests for interviews. "The time-lag alone makes an interview impossible. There's about a 24-hour delay between asking a question and getting an answer," said Spencer, "It's been challenging for us, and we don't want that to make her seem too distant. As it were."
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