PARIS, France - Two top French nutritionists have released the results of their ten-month study into the nutritional value of various fast foods. "The findings, they have surprised even ourselves," said Jean-Michel Cohen, one of the study's authors, "We have found that the Americans have been right. Our own quiche is unhealthy, while your 'Big Mac' is a healthy meal in itself." The other nutritionist, Patrick Serog, concurred, "Indeed, we are wrong and you are right. For optimum health, all Americans should stuff themselves with Big Mac's."

The study has been received with skepticism by American dieticians. "That's just nuts," said expert dietician Gay Riley, "A Big Mac has 461 calories. But that's not the whole story. There are high levels of the so-called 'bad' cholesterol and almost no vitamins. Why would anyone recommend eating these things?"

"I suppose they'd just love it if we all wolfed down handfuls of 'Freedom Fries', too, right?" said C. Everett Koop, former Surgeon General of the United States, "This is an obvious attempt to damage Americans' health. I don't know what would motivate it other than simple political disagreement. I think I can speak for the health community when I say that Big Mac's are fine once in awhile, but a steady diet of them will most certainly be detrimental."

"The data, these critics have not reviewed it," said Cohen, defending his work, "We are not trying to hurt the Americans, we love them. We want them to be happy. Fat and happy."
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