HUNDRED ACRE WOOD - Since 1926, Winnie-the-Pooh has enjoyed rent-free residence at the home of Mr. Sanders. That carefree lifestyle may soon come to an end if the Sanders family has its way. "The family has no ill-will toward Mr. Pooh," said Elton Cremshaw, attorney representing the Sanders, "They simply want their property rights to be respected."

"I've lived here since 1926," said Pooh, "Haven't I some sort of squatter's rights? Perhaps we can work out a trade. Though all I have is my honey, and I shan't be made to part with that. Oh, bother."

Piglet, long-time friend of Pooh, recalled happier times. "I once made a dreadful mistake and gave my own home to Owl, when his was blown over on a Windsday. I didn't know what I would do, but my friend Pooh came to my rescue. He let me live with him." His face dropped somewhat, and he admitted, "It didn't work out though. He's a wonderful friend, but not what I was looking for in a roommate. Now I suppose he'll have to move in with me. Oh dear, oh dear."

"In my esteemed opinion," said Owl, "The case of the Sanders family is entirely without merit. I recall my great-great-uncle Cornelius Owl was faced with a similar situation. His nest had been invaded by starlings. Normally, of course, he'd just devour them, but he had sent his beak out to be polished! Well, I can tell you…" Owl went on for some time, but the story did not actually relate to Pooh's predicament.

It is unclear who will serve as Pooh's legal counsel. Christopher "Robin" Milne, now 83 years of age, has said through his attorney, "I am no longer a part of Winnie-the-Pooh's life. I wish him well, but I cannot be drawn into a legal battle on his behalf." The announcement was met with feelings of betrayal by Ms. Kanga, "Ever since that Christopher Robin went to school, it's just been downhill. Still though, I expected better of him. I just don't know what Pooh is going to do. Oh, the poor, poor dear."
(email to a friend)