The Bentinel Logo Home | FAQ | Links | Book (New!) | Archive
Bending the truth to fit the facts!
-- Clean, family-friendly news satire and parody --




Book (New!)


RSS feed for The Bentinel

Let us send you an email when a new story is published! Enter your email address above and press Alert Me!
privacy policy

Did you know?
White House OK's "Log Til' You Drop" Logging Rules
(email to a friend)

WASHINGTON - Raising the ire of environmentalists and conservationists in the U.S. and abroad, the Bush administration has opened up new areas for commercial logging. "By opening privately held land to logging, we open new vistas of opportunity for industry, and create new jobs to ease the pain of American families struggling to pay their bills," said White House spokesman Scott McClellan.

"We're very excited to be able to harvest these unutilized materials for the betterment of all citizens," said Bernie Baker, of Bernie Baker Logging, "Right in my own neighborhood I see seven or eight good, strong oaks that I'll be taking down."

"I'm running my campaign on job creation," said Democratic Presidential candidate John Kerry, "But I can't see creating jobs at the expense of trees and small forests on private property. At the very least," he added, "I think the land owners should have a say in what is taken out."

Many citizens agree with Kerry. "You mean, any logging company can just go to the Forestry Service, get a permit, then come cut down trees on my property?" asked one enraged man, "I'd like to see them try it."

It is certain that the greatest sticking point in the new rules is the right granted to logging companies to cut down trees on private property without the owner's permission. "I'm frankly shocked that this passed the smell test," said property rights expert Wayne Hage, "Of course the first time any company actually tries to carry through with it, it will be overturned. The government can't seize a citizen's property in this way."

"With all respect to Mr. Hage, he needs to re-read the Constitution," said constitutional law professor Mark Hurwitz, "The fifth amendment protects citizens from seizure of property for public use without compensation or due process, but it does not address such seizures for use by private companies. If a company wishes to -- with the backing of the White House -- seize private property for commercial use, they are well within their constitutional rights to do so."

"Clearly, somebody's asleep at the wheel, here," said Hage, "And I stand by my prediction that this new rule will not stand."
(email to a friend)


Looking for the best web site in the whole world? Look no further than! Loonwatch Islamophobia Ilisha, a site exposing the lies about Islam and Muslims. Do you think you have a Russian Girlfriend? Think again! Are you looking for a family portrait or wedding photographer in Dallas, Texas? Images by Andi is here for you! Looking for gently-used, cheap, tax-free cigarettes? They're available here. In the market for Weber Grills? This site has 'em. Are you addicted to sugar? Then you could use Self-Help for Sugar Addiction. Like movies? Check out these Movie Trailers. Down on your luck? Perhaps you'll need some Prescription Drugs Online. If that doesn't help, maybe you'll just stay home and Download movies. With the money you save on popcorn, you can play at this online casino . If you're driven into Drug Abuse, this site has the answer. Like jokes? Visit The Joke Teller Web Site! Like games or programs? Go to Josef's site!

Copyright 2003-2004, The Bentinel (, All Rights Reserved