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Attempts Made To Protest IQ Bill
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DAYTON, Washington - Hundreds of protesters surrounded City Hall in downtown Dayton today fighting proposed legislation to give billions of dollars to Americans with high IQ's. "Weer People Two!" read several signs carried by protesters. An organizer of the protest, Cletus Chuckman, said, "We came to Dayton City, Washington, to remind the President and the Congresinators that smart people ain't the only ones what got money problems." After an uncomfortably long period of staring, he added, "This is what they mean when they say, 'Washington, D.C.', right?"

We asked one protester why he and his family drove the 2,600 miles from their home in Maryland. He responded, "On our drive in, we sawed a sign that said 'Walla Walla'. Ain't that a hoot? What was the question?"

It was apparent that many of the protesters had downloaded protest templates from the Internet. Sandwich boards read, "[Insert Issue Text]" and "[Replace This With Your Text]". For several minutes, an announcer shouted in a megaphone, "Your!" to which the crowd responded, "Slogan here!"

"This is really sad," lamented Dayton resident and hotel owner, Senna Waterfield, "So many of these people are just so stupid they can hardly function. A few tried to pay for their hotel stay with a supermarket loyalty card. One family was disappointed when I explained that a 'continental breakfast' doesn't involve travel. It's just so sad."

Sadder still, the "IQ Bill" is actually a misunderstanding of the "Iraq Bill", passed months ago, allocating billions of dollars to reconstruction and security in Iraq and Afghanistan.
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