The Bentinel Logo Home | FAQ | Links | Book (New!) | Archive
Bending the truth to fit the facts!
-- Clean, family-friendly news satire and parody --




Book (New!)


RSS feed for The Bentinel

Let us send you an email when a new story is published! Enter your email address above and press Alert Me!
privacy policy

Did you know?
Rutan Loses Rocket License Over Natural Law Violation
(email to a friend)

MOJAVE, California - Burt Rutan, head of X-Prize contender Scaled Composites, has vowed to appeal the ruling by the FAA that his newly issued license for sub-orbital space flight be revoked. The FAA contends that upon reentry, Rutan's vehicle SpaceShipOne, "exhibited a free-fall acceleration of 37.5 feet per second per second, violating Newton's Law of Gravity", after accounting for drag and other factors. "Ludicrous," responded Rutan, "Simply ludicrous. You're not going to put an omelet in space without hyper-accelerating a few eggs."

"We're very serious about this," said FAA spokesman Henry Price, "We support the private sector moving into space exploration and commercialization, but not at the expense of the fundamental laws of physics."

"Look, there are laws, and then there are 'laws'," explained Scaled Composites legal counsel John Hanks, "Newton didn't come up with a 'law', he came up with a 'theory'. It's not like a speed limit or a stop sign. I seriously doubt Galileo intended to pull over falling bodies and ticket them if they failed to fall at the same rate. It's not a 'legal' issue."

Some observers are not convinced that the FAA is simply defending natural laws. "The X-Prize is worth ten million dollars. But more than that, the first private company to put a human in space is going to become the most powerful company in the world overnight," explained space law expert Maureen Williams, "So I suspect if we dig deep enough, we will find that someone highly placed in the FAA has a second-cousin making a run for the X-Prize."

In fact, one contender -- Armadillo Aerospace -- is headed up by John Carmack, the brother of FAA manager Cathy Carmack. When asked about any potential conflicts of interest, Ms. Carmack responded, "My work doesn't cross into that area, so there is no potential for a conflict. Besides, have you looked into Johnny's entry? I mean, 'Crushable Nose Cone'? Are you going to ride something that brags about its 'Crushable Nose Cone'? I don't think this is a licensing problem, if you see where I'm coming from."

Despite the license revocation, Rutan says he will continue all scheduled tests. "The tests are unmanned, so the license issue is moot. But we need to get it overturned before our first real flight. It's always somethin', ain't it?"
(email to a friend)


Looking for the best web site in the whole world? Look no further than! Loonwatch Islamophobia Ilisha, a site exposing the lies about Islam and Muslims. Do you think you have a Russian Girlfriend? Think again! Are you looking for a family portrait or wedding photographer in Dallas, Texas? Images by Andi is here for you! Looking for gently-used, cheap, tax-free cigarettes? They're available here. In the market for Weber Grills? This site has 'em. Are you addicted to sugar? Then you could use Self-Help for Sugar Addiction. Like movies? Check out these Movie Trailers. Down on your luck? Perhaps you'll need some Prescription Drugs Online. If that doesn't help, maybe you'll just stay home and Download movies. With the money you save on popcorn, you can play at this online casino . If you're driven into Drug Abuse, this site has the answer. Like jokes? Visit The Joke Teller Web Site! Like games or programs? Go to Josef's site!

Copyright 2003-2004, The Bentinel (, All Rights Reserved