The Bentinel Logo Home | FAQ | Links | Book (New!) | Archive
Bending the truth to fit the facts!
-- Clean, family-friendly news satire and parody --




Book (New!)


RSS feed for The Bentinel

Let us send you an email when a new story is published! Enter your email address above and press Alert Me!
privacy policy

Did you know?
FDA Bans Home Cryogenics Kit
(email to a friend)

ROCKVILLE, Maryland - A Federal judge has refused to issue a stay on the FDA's order to ban Medtech's new Home Cryogenics Kit, Compound Z. "It's outrageous to think this company unleashed upon the public a product that if misused could easily lead to death or dismemberment," said FDA Commissioner Mark McClellan, "In America we simply don't freeze people without a prescription."

Cryogenics technology involves freezing people just before or very shortly after their deaths in the hopes that they can be revived at a future time when the disease or injury that killed them can be treated. Due to the high costs of the freezing process and storage, very few people have been preserved in this way. Contrary to popular opinion, the body of Walt Disney was not frozen.

Building on the success of their Compound W Freeze Off wart removal product, Medtech recently released the Compound Z Home Cryogenics kit, touted as "the only do-it-yourself cryogenic solution". "We've taken cryogenics out of the exclusive realm of the Walt Disney's and Ted Williams' of the world and made it available to the common man," explained Medtech spokesman Herbert Smetancho, "What the FDA is saying is that this process should remain in the luxury world of the very rich. We don't agree with that."

Pending appeal, Medtech has pulled the product from store shelves and discontinued its ad campaigns. The company does not discuss sales figures publicly, but called sales of Compound Z prior to the ban "brisk".
(email to a friend)


Looking for the best web site in the whole world? Look no further than! Loonwatch Islamophobia Ilisha, a site exposing the lies about Islam and Muslims. Do you think you have a Russian Girlfriend? Think again! Are you looking for a family portrait or wedding photographer in Dallas, Texas? Images by Andi is here for you! Looking for gently-used, cheap, tax-free cigarettes? They're available here. In the market for Weber Grills? This site has 'em. Are you addicted to sugar? Then you could use Self-Help for Sugar Addiction. Like movies? Check out these Movie Trailers. Down on your luck? Perhaps you'll need some Prescription Drugs Online. If that doesn't help, maybe you'll just stay home and Download movies. With the money you save on popcorn, you can play at this online casino . If you're driven into Drug Abuse, this site has the answer. Like jokes? Visit The Joke Teller Web Site! Like games or programs? Go to Josef's site!

Copyright 2003-2004, The Bentinel (, All Rights Reserved