NUUK, Greenland - A terrorist group calling itself "All Badda" has sent urgent requests to CNN, Al-Jazeera, and the Associated Press to publish the videos recorded by its leader, Ben Louden. The latest communication from the group says in part, "We hate people, we make arbitrary decisions about life and death, we blame our idiotic viewpoints on a religion that doesn't support them, and yet we are ignored. When will the media stop playing favorites with terror groups and give us the air-time we deserve?"

"It's all about showmanship," explained Al-Jazeera chairman Sheikh Hamad bin Thamer Al Thani, "Al-Qaeda releases are well-timed. Clean. Their videos are well choreographed; walking through a mountain path, threatening a hostage, waving a gun, it's quality material. Then you've got this tripe." He dropped the VHS tape on his desk with a thud. "Did you know bin Laden will be releasing his previous videos as a DVD boxed set? That's class. These guys? I'm not bothering."

Another problem the group faces is their lack of any established contact points. "I've spoken personally to bin Laden at least a hundred times," said one contact for the terrorist leader, "but I've never seen him, and I never know where he's calling from. If you need to get a message to him, you give it to me and he'll have it within three days, without you or I ever knowing where he is." Without a similar contact base, All Badda stands no chance of winning the hatred of the U.S. or the world in general.

"I can tell you there's no 'All Badda' on our radar," said National Security Advisor Condoleezza Rice, "I've never even heard of them. They're out of Greenland? Whoever heard of a terrorist in Greenland? My advice to them would be to move to England or one of the 'stans. At least they'll pick up some exposure from the other groups operating there."

No attempt to contact All Badda was successful. Calls to information showed several "Ben Louden"'s in Greenland, but all angrily denied being the leader of a terrorist organization.
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