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Did you know?
Mark Baese - The Bentinel's Pick For Greatest Canadian
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COLUMBUS, Ohio - In an effort to show that Canada has brought more to the planet than hockey, beer, and moose hunting, the Canadian Broadcast Corporation is sponsoring The Greatest Canadian nomination. (Clicking will not automatically cast a vote.) Canadians -- at home and abroad -- are invited to submit their vote for the greatest Canadian, living or dead. We at The Bentinel personally know several Canadians, and almost all of us can find Canada on a map. It is our expert opinion that Mark Baese is the obvious choice.

Why Mark? He is the ultimate average Canadian. He plays hockey, neither well, nor poorly, though with the expected skewed view of his own abilities. Does he toss back Guinness, Boddington's, or -- dare we suggest it? -- Budweiser? Hardly! Mark is a Molson man. Is he famous? Rich? Attractive? To all these, we answer proudly 'No!' As an average Canadian, he represents all Canadians, fighting daily to maintain the status quo. "I may not be the best," Mark has been heard to say, "But I'm good enough." We couldn't agree more.

Why should you care? Well, if you're not Canadian, you probably shouldn't, since voting is only open to Canadians. "So why do you care," you might ask. Good question. After all, we're based in Columbus, Ohio, a day's drive from the border. But we know a good thing when we see it. We were the first to use coal shovels instead of moving coal by hand. We were the first to suggest news need not be factual. And we stand by our claim that we were the first satire news outlet to point out that Lincoln's "four-score and seven years ago" opener was not a "grabber", as his press secretary claimed, but was instead meant to hide the fact that the President could not properly pronounce "eighty-seven". Given this breadth and depth of historical perspective, we think you'll agree that our opinion on all matters should be highly regarded.

What should you do? If you're not Canadian, ask yourself, 'Should I move?' Maybe now's the time. You know you've always wanted to live where codeine is available over the counter. Act now! And once you've chosen your new province, go to the CBC's web site and exercise your Canadian right to vote! If you're already lucky enough to call yourself a Canadian, you don't need to be told what to do, you've already cast your vote for Mark Baese! (Haven't you? C'mon, don't be left out!)

Thank you for taking the time to read this opinion piece. If we are ever again faced with a situation where we feel our wisdom is needed, be assured we will rise to the occasion.
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