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Saddam Critiques Iraqi Prisoner Abuse; "Not Bad, Not Great"
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DOHA, Qatar - During his first jailhouse interview, Saddam Hussein offered his opinion of the treatment of Iraqi prisoners, as revealed by photographs published in news outlets around the world. "The effort is clear, but it is apparent that the Americans and British have much work to do," explained the former dictator, shaking his head as he reviewed the photographs, "For one thing, these wires cannot carry sufficient current. This man would have easily survived the experience. And while I see and read about many threats, where are the bodies? Where are the mass graves? To call this torture is to insult the word." He tossed the images aside with clear contempt.

"I can't tell you what an honor it is to be considered sub-par by a tyrant," responded President Bush, "The people of Iraq can now clearly see the difference between being abused by Mr. Hussein and his henchman, and being abused by my hench-- that is, by our, by the coalition's members. That difference being, accountability. I can assure you that while Saddam might have rewarded this sort of behavior, the coalition forces responsible for these abuses have been reprimanded. And when I say reprimanded, I don't mean a 'talking-to'."

"Blaish is playing it just about right," Saddam commented, using the derogatory amalgam of Bush and Blair he claims he coined before the war, "If I were in their position, I would handle it the same way. Deny, deflect, react. I would probably execute the soldiers involved, but that's me. I can respect their different leadership styles without agreeing with them. But," he added, leaning in uncomfortably close, "If any of my men treated a prisoner like this and allowed it to be photographed, I can assure you he would not be in line for many tomorrows."

"I have the respect of Mr. Saddam Hussein," said British Prime Minister Tony Blair, "My life is now complete."
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