The Bentinel Logo Home | FAQ | Links | Book (New!) | Archive
Bending the truth to fit the facts!
-- Clean, family-friendly news satire and parody --




Book (New!)


RSS feed for The Bentinel

Let us send you an email when a new story is published! Enter your email address above and press Alert Me!
privacy policy

Did you know?
Bin Laden: Good At Terrorism, Bad At Math
(email to a friend)

BAGHDAD, Iraq - Iraqi Civilian Administrator L. Paul Bremer was "not alarmed" by Osama bin Laden's apparent placement of a bounty on his head, among others. "The al Qaeda leader is offering '10,000 grams of gold' for my head? Frankly, I'm offended," said Bremer, "Here we put up twenty-five million for Mr. bin Laden, then we doubled it. Then he offers less than a hundred and forty thousand dollars for me? It's either an egregious insult, or he's very bad at math."

"Bin Laden [gave] us a great tool with his paltry bounty."
-- Pentagon official
"No insult was intended," said al Qaeda spokesman Ali beer Masharif, "The Exalted One was merely expressing the bounty in terms easily understood by his people. 'Dollars' are meaningless, as they will not buy a sheep, or a pair of shoes. But gold, gold is powerful. Of course, the offer is contingent on God's willingness to allow the payment."

In response, the U.S. is planning a leaflet campaign to shower over the border areas between Pakistan and Afghanistan, where bin Laden is believed to be hiding. An early draft of the flyer shows a caricature of Paul Bremer, an equal sign, and three sheep. Below that is a caricature of bin Laden, an equal sign, and a flock of sheep spreading off into the distance. The bottom of the flier shows a balance-type scale with 10,000 grams of gold on one side, lofted into the air by the fifty million dollars on the other side. "We think it gets across the point that the rewards for helping us are greater than for helping them. Bin Laden may have given us a great tool with his paltry bounty," said one Pentagon official.

It is rumored that bin Laden will double the bounty if NBC goes ahead with their plan to spin-off the "Joey" character from Friends into his own show. "The infidel Chandler was His preferred character," explained beer Masharif, "There will be retribution if this character does not return." NBC officials said they don't respond to terrorist threats regarding programming decisions.
(email to a friend)


Looking for the best web site in the whole world? Look no further than! Loonwatch Islamophobia Ilisha, a site exposing the lies about Islam and Muslims. Do you think you have a Russian Girlfriend? Think again! Are you looking for a family portrait or wedding photographer in Dallas, Texas? Images by Andi is here for you! Looking for gently-used, cheap, tax-free cigarettes? They're available here. In the market for Weber Grills? This site has 'em. Are you addicted to sugar? Then you could use Self-Help for Sugar Addiction. Like movies? Check out these Movie Trailers. Down on your luck? Perhaps you'll need some Prescription Drugs Online. If that doesn't help, maybe you'll just stay home and Download movies. With the money you save on popcorn, you can play at this online casino . If you're driven into Drug Abuse, this site has the answer. Like jokes? Visit The Joke Teller Web Site! Like games or programs? Go to Josef's site!

Copyright 2003-2004, The Bentinel (, All Rights Reserved