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Bin Laden: Good At Terrorism, Bad At Math
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BAGHDAD, Iraq - Iraqi Civilian Administrator L. Paul Bremer was "not alarmed" by Osama bin Laden's apparent placement of a bounty on his head, among others. "The al Qaeda leader is offering '10,000 grams of gold' for my head? Frankly, I'm offended," said Bremer, "Here we put up twenty-five million for Mr. bin Laden, then we doubled it. Then he offers less than a hundred and forty thousand dollars for me? It's either an egregious insult, or he's very bad at math."

"Bin Laden [gave] us a great tool with his paltry bounty."
-- Pentagon official
"No insult was intended," said al Qaeda spokesman Ali beer Masharif, "The Exalted One was merely expressing the bounty in terms easily understood by his people. 'Dollars' are meaningless, as they will not buy a sheep, or a pair of shoes. But gold, gold is powerful. Of course, the offer is contingent on God's willingness to allow the payment."

In response, the U.S. is planning a leaflet campaign to shower over the border areas between Pakistan and Afghanistan, where bin Laden is believed to be hiding. An early draft of the flyer shows a caricature of Paul Bremer, an equal sign, and three sheep. Below that is a caricature of bin Laden, an equal sign, and a flock of sheep spreading off into the distance. The bottom of the flier shows a balance-type scale with 10,000 grams of gold on one side, lofted into the air by the fifty million dollars on the other side. "We think it gets across the point that the rewards for helping us are greater than for helping them. Bin Laden may have given us a great tool with his paltry bounty," said one Pentagon official.

It is rumored that bin Laden will double the bounty if NBC goes ahead with their plan to spin-off the "Joey" character from Friends into his own show. "The infidel Chandler was His preferred character," explained beer Masharif, "There will be retribution if this character does not return." NBC officials said they don't respond to terrorist threats regarding programming decisions.
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