The Bentinel Logo Home | FAQ | Links | Book (New!) | Archive
Bending the truth to fit the facts!
-- Clean, family-friendly news satire and parody --




Book (New!)


RSS feed for The Bentinel

Let us send you an email when a new story is published! Enter your email address above and press Alert Me!
privacy policy

Did you know?
"It's Only 100 Dollars!" Chain A Hit In Beverly Hills
(email to a friend)

BEVERLY HILLS, California - "Everyone likes a bargain, no matter what their income," explained Dexter Carrison, founder and CEO of the "It's Only 100 Dollars!" store chain. In just twenty-four months, Carrison has grown his one store into a wildly successful fifty-store chain. Carrison continued, "There's always a store about to go under that's more than happy to unload its inventory for a song. And hey, if it says 'Prada', who am I to question its authenticity?"

"Of course, I'd never admit I bought it here."
-- Meg Ryan, actress
"Of course, I'd never admit I bought it here," said actress Meg Ryan, showing off her latest find, "but why would I pay $1500 for a designer hair clip, when I can get it here for next to nothing?" The same sentiment was expressed by other celebrities who asked not to have their names used. "I can come here with fifteen hundred dollars in my pocket and walk out with a whole outfit, including shoes!" exclaimed one.

The concept still has its critics. Chief among them is Barton Lewis, chairman of Championing the Rights of the Poor, or CaRP. "Obviously, this is attempting to capitalize on the national popularity of so-called 'dollar stores', where most or all of the items are priced at or below one dollar. These stores benefit the poor by providing necessary products at affordable prices. Mr. Carrison has at his heart only greed motivating him."

"I'll be the first to admit I want to make a profit," admitted Carrison, "But that's hardly a crime. Besides, poor is a relative term. Are you poor as in you live in a country that can't afford to give you clean water? Or poor like you can only afford basic cable? If you can drive a Ferrari and I can only drive a Lexus, am I poor? I'll leave that question to the philosophers."

Undaunted by critics, Carrison says he intends to take the chain public. "We hope to have an IPO in the first quarter of 2005," he said, adding, "Hopefully we can offer some shares or blocks of shares for $100, as a promotion. Wouldn't that tick CaRP off?"
(email to a friend)


Looking for the best web site in the whole world? Look no further than! Loonwatch Islamophobia Ilisha, a site exposing the lies about Islam and Muslims. Do you think you have a Russian Girlfriend? Think again! Are you looking for a family portrait or wedding photographer in Dallas, Texas? Images by Andi is here for you! Looking for gently-used, cheap, tax-free cigarettes? They're available here. In the market for Weber Grills? This site has 'em. Are you addicted to sugar? Then you could use Self-Help for Sugar Addiction. Like movies? Check out these Movie Trailers. Down on your luck? Perhaps you'll need some Prescription Drugs Online. If that doesn't help, maybe you'll just stay home and Download movies. With the money you save on popcorn, you can play at this online casino . If you're driven into Drug Abuse, this site has the answer. Like jokes? Visit The Joke Teller Web Site! Like games or programs? Go to Josef's site!

Copyright 2003-2004, The Bentinel (, All Rights Reserved