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Iraqi Government's Make-Up Criticized By Fab Five
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NEW YORK, New York - The make-up of the new Iraqi government has come under fire from sources within Iraq and abroad. Adding their voice to this chorus are the five homosexual men from Bravo's "Queer Eye For The Straight Guy". Said the team's de facto leader Carson Kressley, "These are all older men, so it's just not working to have these wrinkles hanging everywhere. And oh, oh, don't even get me started on these bags under the eyes." Kyan Douglas agreed, "This is where men have to be willing to be bold, and put on a little make-up to 'make-up' for the ravages of time and neglect." He demonstrated the technique on an older Arab man, not a member of the caretaker Iraqi government.

"Iraq isn't a safe place for people like them."
-- President Bush
Whether the members of the government would be willing to subject themselves to a makeover -- the cast prefers the term "make better" -- is unclear. Sources close to Ghazi Yawar, the Sunni Muslim appointed president of Iraq, say that he enjoys the "Queer Eye" program, but would be unwilling to allow a makeover for himself.

All five members agree that working with the government would be a unique challenge. "We know what wine goes with fish," explained Ted Allen, Fab Five dining expert, "But what goes with Purim? Do you cut into Arook Thayin, or lift it to your mouth for a bite? It would be as much a learning experience for us as for them." Said Thom Filicia, "Have you seen the places these guys work? Oh my grossness, total Tragicstan. Give us a few weeks to shop and we'll spruce these work areas up right."

President Bush has said he would authorize the trip for the filming of a show, provided all members of the cast and crew sign waivers absolving the coalition of liability. "Iraq isn't a safe place yet," said the President, "Especially for people like... well, you know… like them."

"I believe the President was referring to their civilian status," explained White House spokesman Scott McClellan, without further comment.
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