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Greenpeace Dumps Blue Whale on Tour Boat Dock
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MENDOCINO, California - Officials are determining what charges will be brought against nine men and three women who allegedly dumped a 190 ton blue whale encased in an estimated 500 ton block of ice on a tour boat dock, demolishing the dock and surrounding structures. Damages are estimated at over $400,000. The leader of the group, Biff Lometz, said he was acting for Greenpeace, "To protest the continued abuse of our brother, the blue whale, by pleasure-seeking tourists and profiteering tour operators." Greenpeace acknowledges its involvement and has promised legal assistance for the dozen activists.

"We'll keep dropping dead fish until someone starts to notice the smell."
-- Greenpeace spokesman
"Folks can't go dropping whales wherever they fair well please," said Mendocino Police Sergeant Michael Carnes, "I don't care how highfalutin and God-sent they think they are." 'Where' and 'why', though, have been trumped by the question 'how did they drop a whale on the wharf?' "That's a puzzle," admitted the sergeant, "But that's not my department. I'm glad it's not, to be perfectly honest."

"You figure Greenpeace has got serious resources, so money is probably not a problem for them," theorized Police Lieutenant Colin Boh, "But you still gotta wonder how they moved 700 tons of whale and water. Where did they get the whale? Where did they freeze it? But the big one is how did they get it here. Boy, o' boy, we're gonna get some overtime outta this one."

The activists themselves will shed no light on the mystery. "Figure it out yourselves, Land Urchins," said Lometz, "Whales are being dropped and whales will continue to be dropped until the illegal damaging of the sacred habitats of these gentle giants is brought.. blah.. blah." He went on for some time, but the point is essentially that they will not be assisting in the investigation.

The whale incident follows a similar one in the U.K. when a frozen dolphin was dumped at the Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs. "We'll keep dropping dead fish until someone starts to notice the smell," said Greenpeace, through a third party, "And if you think it stinks now, Baby, you ain't smelled nothin' yet."
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