WASHINGTON, D.C. - The Associated Press reported Sunday that while a serviceman during the Vietnam war, then Lieutenant John Kerry took $11 in American cash from a Korean he mistakenly arrested, and never gave the money back. "I only want what is mine," said the former arrestee Chun Jae-yong, "He had no right to take money from me, and now that I have found him, I want him to pay." Jae-yong has demanded $2,000 from Kerry, which he claims is restitution for his false arrest, the actual cash value of his loss in modern values, and the pain and suffering he endured thirty years ago when Kerry told him "American money would sting his yellow communist fingers." A Kerry spokesman, Michael Meehan, says they will pay. "The check's in the mail as we speak," he told reporters.

"If I had known the man was not a Vietnamese soldier, I would never have taken his money." Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry

"If I had known the man was not a Vietnamese soldier, I would never have taken his money," said Kerry at a press conference scheduled earlier to discuss the minimum wage, "I have never been about taking money from the poor to enrich the wealthy. That's the job of the current occupant of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. With my personal check for $2,000, I want to put this ugly mess behind Mr. Jae-yong and myself." Meehan later explained that Kerry was mixing two different conversational threads and "may have confused some listeners. Senator Kerry would never have taken anyone's money under any circumstances, Vietnamese or otherwise."

Rick Yi, one of Kerry's major fund-raisers in the Asian-American community, said, "John Kerry is one of the most honest men I know. And I was in the Clinton White House, so I have lots of honest people in my Rolodex. I can absolutely guarantee you that he did not suspect this man would come back later and embarrassingly demand his money or he would have shot him on the spot. Or maybe just not taken his money. What was the question again?"

"I will probably re-mud the thatch on my hut," explained Jae-yong, when asked what he will do with the money, "Or perhaps I'll invest it in one of those wood-gathering businesses. But it was never about the money. It's about justice, and I think it's been served."
(email to a friend)