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Al-Qaeda Considers Discontinuing Use of Term "Safe-House"
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SHARAN, Afghanistan - Top-level al-Qaeda officers admit they are considering dropping the term "safe-house" from their nomenclature. "We will continue to use the arrangement, of course," said one official on condition of anonymity, "But the term itself has taken on something of a patina and we feel it is time to retire it." The concern rose after several so-called safe-houses were demolished by missile strikes by the U.S. and its allies. "The faithful are already hesitant to offer their assistance in the face of the infidel technology and strength of will," he continued, "To add to their burden by suggesting they offer their homes as targets is not wise for the cause."

"Sadly, 'Road Abode' translates to a rather rude term in Arabic."
-- ben-Al Zawani, al-Qaeda planner
"Maybe we put the fear a God in 'em," said President Bush, in an aside after a stump speech in Kansas City, "They're right, they aren't safe. We'll bomb 'em, gas 'em, torture 'em, whatever it takes. Well, you know, not actually 'torture' them, like those Geneva pansies get all bent out of shape about. But we'll sure discomfort the livin' tar out of 'em!"

"We haven't settled on a term that the faithful will accept, but still carries the same idea," said al-Qaeda planner ben-Al Zawani, explaining why the term still appears in official al-Qaeda literature , "We've considered 'Place of Rest', 'Road Abode', and borrowing from your own history, 'Underground Rail Station'. But we're concerned that 'Place of Rest' sounds like a place to die. And sadly, 'Road Abode' translates to a rather rude term in Arabic. 'Underground Rail Station' is unobjectionable, but our market research suggests people think it is a subway. With our network of tunnels, we fear it will lead to confusion."

"I think they should dump the term, personally," said Saddam Hussein from his cell in Qatar, "I found that 'safe-houses' are anything but. I'm here, so clearly they aren't safe. And the whole freaking world saw how much of a 'house' I was living in. I guess 'hazardous hole' doesn't have the same ring, though, does it?"
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