CONCORD, New Hampshire - Nader campaign insiders are suggesting that a double loss of expected endorsements has put his candidacy in jeopardy. "When the Green Party turned its back on Ralph, he was hurt. More than hurt, he was shut out of some states, barring some near-miraculous signature gathering. But now that COTE has pulled out, well, it's just a disaster." COTE, the Coalition Of Terrarium Enthusiasts, once seen as a prime Nader supporter in the 2004 race, announced Friday they would instead be endorsing an iguana named "Lizzie".

"Those nut bars were the heart and soul of his campaign." -- Harold Lumbock, campaign advisor

"Without the COTE vote, Ralph's heart just isn't in the campaign anymore. Does he feel betrayed? You bet he does," said campaign advisor Harold Lumbock, "Those nut bars were the heart and soul of his campaign. 'Don't forget the lizards,' he'd always say, 'Don't forget the balance in the bowl.' It was his mantra."

"We respect Mr. Nader," said COTE director Arlene Montgomery, "We feel he would make a fine president. But we also feel that Lizzie here would make a fine one, too. And she's scads cuter!" Montgomery, Lizzie's owner, is fighting a legal battle to allow Lizzie on the ticket. "If you're not human, there's all sorts of red tape you have to wade through to hold public office," she lamented, "There's already so many snakes in politics, you'd think they'd be used to it!"

Nader has not officially decided to drop out of the race, but sources in his headquarters office say that an announcement to that effect is imminent. "When he could reasonably expect 3% of the vote nationwide, he considered the race worthwhile. But with the Green's pulling out, and now COTE, that's projected at closer to 2%, even as little as 0%," said one, "And when you're looking at numbers like that, the word 'spoiler' can't help but come to mind, though it's grounds for immediate termination if you actually say it."
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