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Clerical Error Sends 30,000 Marine Biologists to Iraq
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WASHINGTON, D.C. - Pentagon officials are trying to put a positive spin on what has been described as the "biggest cock-up of the war", wherein a clerical error in assigning troop reinforcements has summarily drafted 30,000 marine biologists from across the nation and sent them to Iraq. "I didn't realize there even were 30,000 scientists in this field," admitted Tyrone Nikko, Professor of Marine Life Studies at the University of Maryland, "But more disturbing is that our government is keeping such good track of us that they could bustle them onto planes and get them overseas in something less than a week."

"We didn't try to second guess our commanders in the field."
-- Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld
"We've said all along that if our guys say they need boots on the ground, they can have them," said Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, "So when the request came in, we didn't try to second guess our commanders in the field. If they said they needed 30,000 Vietnamese Pot-Bellied Pigs, then that's what they'd get. It's a shame that so many American lives were inadvertently disrupted, but I think this shows that this administration is 100% behind the effort of our troops and we support them without question."

"Actually, I think this might have been a time to ask a question," said Albert Laveene, investigator for Exposing Waste In Government, "Consider what just happened: EWIG's research shows that the mobilization and transport of these scientists has cost the taxpayers 45 million dollars, and it will cost an estimated 100 million more to bring them back and handle all the litigation that will surely ensue. So instead of asking why an occupation force needs the majority of oceanographers available in the world, our government chose to blindly scribble out a check for more money than was allocated to AIDS research for the past three years combined."

The situation may actually take a turn for the worse. "As you know, most of our guys have already been in-theater for six months, some more than a year. For the most part, it's just 'standing around' duty, which near about anybody could do. So, since these guys are already over there, and we have all the equipment there," explained Rumsfeld, tentatively, "Well, you see where I'm heading. Military pay may not be what they're used to, but a few months of hard work for their fellow Americans might be just the ticket to put a happy face on this whole incident. Otherwise," he added, "We may have to bring Colin Powell back out to do the Macarena. And nobody wants that."
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