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Kerry Taps Cheney as Running Mate
(email to a friend)

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Democratic and Republican insiders alike were shocked when an email coming from the Kerry camp indicated that the senator had chosen current Vice-President Dick Cheney as his Democratic running mate. "I have my doubts that this email is genuine," remarked Democratic Party spokesperson Marilyn Van Horne, "It's very easy to fake the addresses in an email, spammers do it all the time. Besides, it doesn't make any sense! Would it even be legal?" Political experts agree that despite obtuse appearances, the move would be perfectly legitimate.

"Not only is it legal, it's brilliant."
-- Erwin Levils, Political Scientist
"Not only is it legal, it's brilliant," commented political scientist Erwin Levils, "One's choice of running mate always boils down to two questions, 'How does he hurt me?' and 'How does he hurt my opponent?' Get that equation to balance out and you've got a good choice. What better choice than the incumbent VP, also running with the incumbent POTUS? Talk about level playing field."

Cheney flatly denies that the subject has ever come up. "I've spoken to John on a number of occasions, he never indicated to me that he would be asking. Of course, that's not to say that I would be totally unwilling to discuss some sort of arrangement. Hedging your bets is never a bad idea, if it's done discreetly."

How 'discreetly' such a party line crossing move could be made is a matter sparking considerable debate. "Of course it would be completely inappropriate," said GOP spokesman Ross Morkwert, during a Crossfire debate on the topic, "The idea of the same individual on two tickets violates the very concept of Democracy. 'Ok, John Q. Voter, do you want Mr. Cheney, the Democrat? Or Mr. Cheney, the Republican?' At the end of the day, it doesn't put much choice in the hands of the voters."

The question still remains, Is the email legitimate? Kerry insiders have said on condition of anonymity that the senator occasionally sends 'strange' emails, requiring them later to claim they were the result of 'viruses' or 'hackers'. While not directly admitting this is one of those times, one staffer commented, "Cleanup in aisle 5."
(email to a friend)


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