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Hawking Determines Some Information Escapes from Black Holes
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LONDON, England - Contradicting his earlier theories on the subject, Stephen Hawking, noted physicist and author, now says he believes some information that falls into black holes may not be lost forever. "My earlier work predated much of the information we have available today," he explained in an email interview, "In the days before spam and telemarketers, information was not quite as durable. But recent observations have shown that Nigerian scams, political mudslinging, and wild medical claims are able to survive contact with black holes, and may even be made more powerful by them."

Research shows claims of anatomical enlargement escape fastest.
-- graduate student Morgan Blair
The discovery and accompanying theoretical work attempting to explain it has the world of astronomical physics abuzz. "Once you can show that it can be done once, and can be repeated, then you have the basis for a whole new field of study," explained graduate student Morgan Blair. Chat groups and forums have begun discussing the possibility of space vehicles that use the immense gravity of singularities as propulsion, surviving contact with the black hole utilizing spam-based shielding. "We have to determine what variety of information escapes fastest and with the least loss. Early indications show that charitable requests do not fare well, but claims of anatomical enlargement do. We're all very excited!" exclaimed Blair.

"The most intriguing part of the observations," continued Hawking, "Is that the claims stated in information that fall into the black hole appear to be exaggerated further upon their release." As examples, he showed spam emails claiming to enable a person to earn $500 a week working from home that were beamed directly into a singularity. The resulting pulsar-like emission produced an email claiming to offer people $200,000 to sit at home and do nothing. "We're still waiting for the second round of information to return to see what further expansion it will undergo."

Unfortunately, the nearest black hole yet discovered lies 1,600 light-years away near the visible star V 4641. This means that spam and other information beamed toward it require several days to reach it and several more days must pass before the response can be detected. "Of course bad news travels many times faster than the speed of light, but even that seems slow when you're covering this kind of distance," said Blair.

NASA is discussing ways it can help fund research into Singularity Propulsion Augmentation Mechanics or so-called "SPAM Power". "We want to direct funds where they can do the most good," said NASA Administrator Sean O'Keefe, "And if SPAM is the future, we want to be there."
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