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U.S. to Tap Reserve of 'Ordinary Forces'
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WASHINGTON, D.C. - The Pentagon has contacted 1,500 members of its so-called 'Ordinary Forces' warning them that they are likely to be sent to Afghanistan. "Our Special Forces are pretty well exhausted," explained Brigadier General Montgomery Longwinkle, "So as much as we hate to, we've got to move on to our second-stringers." Unlike the Special Forces, who have received training in weapons and tactics, the Ordinary Forces -- uncharitably referred to as OaF's -- are "simply bodies, throw-away guys we use when we just need numbers. It's a real shame to stick them in here and expect any sort of positive result," admitted one official who asked that his name not be revealed.

"I think it's going too far to call us 'throw aways'."
-- Burton Druphen, Navy WALRUS
"I think it's going too far to call us 'throw aways'," protested Burton Druphen, a member of the Navy's less-than-elite WALRUSs, "We're people, too. It's not like we don't have feelings. We may not be able to swim all that well, and we may have been picked on because we had bed-wetting issues well into our teen years, but we're still people."

Officially, the military considers the Ordinary Forces to be civilians. "They all voluntarily signed a form agreeing to let us call them back up, but it was just a formality," explained Air Force Colonel Hamilton Rierbach, "Honestly, nobody ever expected to ask these guys to serve again. I certainly don't relish the thought of having any of them under my command." Unlike the Individual Ready Reserve, these troops had the option to be released from the military without any further obligation. "We knew we might need the Ready Reserve folks," said Rierbach, "But we would've been willing and happy to shut the door permanently on the OaF's."

The first deployment will be a contingent of 1,500 to Afghanistan to assist with traffic control. "We'll start there and see how it goes," said Longwinkle, "Maybe we'll move them up to guard duty in a month or two. We'll see."
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