The Bentinel Logo Home | FAQ | Links | Book (New!) | Archive
Google
    Web TheBentinel.com
Bending the truth to fit the facts!
-- Clean, family-friendly news satire and parody --
 

Home

FAQ

Links

Book (New!)

Archive

RSS feed for The Bentinel




Let us send you an email when a new story is published! Enter your email address above and press Alert Me!
privacy policy


Did you know?
U.S. to Tap Reserve of 'Ordinary Forces'
(email to a friend)

WASHINGTON, D.C. - The Pentagon has contacted 1,500 members of its so-called 'Ordinary Forces' warning them that they are likely to be sent to Afghanistan. "Our Special Forces are pretty well exhausted," explained Brigadier General Montgomery Longwinkle, "So as much as we hate to, we've got to move on to our second-stringers." Unlike the Special Forces, who have received training in weapons and tactics, the Ordinary Forces -- uncharitably referred to as OaF's -- are "simply bodies, throw-away guys we use when we just need numbers. It's a real shame to stick them in here and expect any sort of positive result," admitted one official who asked that his name not be revealed.

"I think it's going too far to call us 'throw aways'."
-- Burton Druphen, Navy WALRUS
"I think it's going too far to call us 'throw aways'," protested Burton Druphen, a member of the Navy's less-than-elite WALRUSs, "We're people, too. It's not like we don't have feelings. We may not be able to swim all that well, and we may have been picked on because we had bed-wetting issues well into our teen years, but we're still people."

Officially, the military considers the Ordinary Forces to be civilians. "They all voluntarily signed a form agreeing to let us call them back up, but it was just a formality," explained Air Force Colonel Hamilton Rierbach, "Honestly, nobody ever expected to ask these guys to serve again. I certainly don't relish the thought of having any of them under my command." Unlike the Individual Ready Reserve, these troops had the option to be released from the military without any further obligation. "We knew we might need the Ready Reserve folks," said Rierbach, "But we would've been willing and happy to shut the door permanently on the OaF's."

The first deployment will be a contingent of 1,500 to Afghanistan to assist with traffic control. "We'll start there and see how it goes," said Longwinkle, "Maybe we'll move them up to guard duty in a month or two. We'll see."
(email to a friend)


TOP STORIES
   





Looking for the best web site in the whole world? Look no further than ZachsWorld.org! Loonwatch Islamophobia Ilisha, a site exposing the lies about Islam and Muslims. Do you think you have a Russian Girlfriend? Think again! Are you looking for a family portrait or wedding photographer in Dallas, Texas? Images by Andi is here for you! Looking for gently-used, cheap, tax-free cigarettes? They're available here. In the market for Weber Grills? This site has 'em. Are you addicted to sugar? Then you could use Self-Help for Sugar Addiction. Like movies? Check out these Movie Trailers. Down on your luck? Perhaps you'll need some Prescription Drugs Online. If that doesn't help, maybe you'll just stay home and Download movies. With the money you save on popcorn, you can play at this online casino . If you're driven into Drug Abuse, this site has the answer. Like jokes? Visit The Joke Teller Web Site! Like games or programs? Go to Josef's site!

Copyright 2003-2004, The Bentinel (http://TheBentinel.com), All Rights Reserved