The Bentinel Logo Home | FAQ | Links | Book (New!) | Archive
Bending the truth to fit the facts!
-- Clean, family-friendly news satire and parody --




Book (New!)


RSS feed for The Bentinel

Let us send you an email when a new story is published! Enter your email address above and press Alert Me!
privacy policy

Did you know?
'Hungry, Hungry Hippos' in 2008 Olympics
(email to a friend)

LAUSANNE, Switzerland - The International Olympic Committee today confirmed that Hasbro's 'Hungry, Hungry Hippos' will be an Olympic event starting with the 2008 games in Beijing, China. "The basic requirements for inclusion in the games are met," said IOC spokesman John Kemmit, "The factors involved are legion, but chiefly the game must be universally understood and not unique to one country or culture, it must be talent-driven, not primarily random in its outcome, and it must have a large professional and amateur presence. We are very pleased to be bringing this new game into the Olympic fold." Hasbro stock rose 11% on news of the game's acceptance.

"We get together every week or two and play into the wee hours."
-- Admitted Hungry, Hungry Hippos Addict
"This is such an incredible day for us! Many of us never thought we'd see this day," exuded Amelia Pendershot, chairman of the International Professional Hungry Hippos Association, "After we were turned down again by ESPN, I personally thought we'd never be mainstream. But with the IOC nod, we've got no where to go but up!"

Manufactured since 1978 by Milton Bradley, a division of Hasbro, 'Hungry, Hungry Hippos' has enjoyed a cult-following among twenty and thirty-something's. "We get together every week or two and play into the wee hours," admitted one man, "Sometimes it'll just get down to me and Tom, playing two-player until we can hardly move. It's addictive." The purses offered at the professional level are not high enough to make a living, but the IPHHA still holds an annual tournament. "Several thousand fans turn out for each one," claimed Pendershot, "It's not televised poker, of course, but we have more fans than Celebrity Chutes and Ladders."

"I like playing partners with Mommy," said Courtney Lininger, four-year-old daughter of last year's IPHHA winner, "But it's no fun playing against her. When she's losing, she's mean. Especially if she's drinking her 'relaxing' drink." Alcohol abuse is prevalent among Hippos players, so much so that the IOC warned, "All contestants will be tested for intoxication prior to each round. A positive test will result in the revocation of that team's eligibility." "I'm not sure I can even play sober," lamented one player, "But I suppose I won't know until I try."

The U.S. will likely choose its representative team by 2006 to allow it time to train and 'bond'. "We'll be ready, we'll put those Chinese hotshots in their place," predicted Pendershot.
(email to a friend)


Looking for the best web site in the whole world? Look no further than! Loonwatch Islamophobia Ilisha, a site exposing the lies about Islam and Muslims. Do you think you have a Russian Girlfriend? Think again! Are you looking for a family portrait or wedding photographer in Dallas, Texas? Images by Andi is here for you! Looking for gently-used, cheap, tax-free cigarettes? They're available here. In the market for Weber Grills? This site has 'em. Are you addicted to sugar? Then you could use Self-Help for Sugar Addiction. Like movies? Check out these Movie Trailers. Down on your luck? Perhaps you'll need some Prescription Drugs Online. If that doesn't help, maybe you'll just stay home and Download movies. With the money you save on popcorn, you can play at this online casino . If you're driven into Drug Abuse, this site has the answer. Like jokes? Visit The Joke Teller Web Site! Like games or programs? Go to Josef's site!

Copyright 2003-2004, The Bentinel (, All Rights Reserved