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Final Verdict On Bryant Rape Case Nearly Posted To Jury Foreman's Blog
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DENVER, Colorado - District Judge Terry Ruckriegle has raised the ire of the jurisprudence community after he refused to call a mistrial following the trial's latest gaffe. The unnamed jury foreman posted the verdict of the not-yet-concluded Kobe Bryant rape case on his personal blog. "It's a done deal already," he wrote, "It's a shame we've all got to sit through all this stupid DNA stuff. The other jurors and I were shootin' the breeze over a nine-ball game when I asked them, 'So, have you made up your minds yet?' We all looked at each other and we knew.'" The conversation and the agreed-upon verdict were published in the blog, but the verdict was redacted by a sharp-eyed FBI agent coincidentally running Carnivore on the server at the time. "I didn't think that should go out," the agent said, "So I just X'd that part out. But I didn't read the whole posting. I probably shoulda deleted the whole thing."

"I am outraged in so many ways, I don't know where to begin!"
-- John Clune, attorney for Bryant's accuser
"It's inconceivable! I am outraged in so many ways, I don't know where to begin," said attorney for Bryant's accuser John Clune, "What were the jurors in the case doing shooting pool and discussing the case outside of the deliberation room? What is the FBI doing watching what the jurors post to the Internet? And what in the name of all that is good and righteous was the foreman doing 'blogging' about a current case? The whole situation is just inconceivable."

"He keeps using that word," said a passing Spaniard, "I do not think it means what he thinks it means."

The FBI is scrambling to explain what it was doing monitoring the Internet activity of private citizens. "We weren't examining the access by the juror specifically," explained an FBI spokesman, "'Carnivore' doesn't care who, it's only looking for what. The word 'rape' in the post is what triggered the system to alert the agent. According to the agent's report, he had no idea who was posting the information. He simply saw a legal case about to be compromised, so he acted. It's his job, and he certainly won't be reprimanded for it."

Regardless of the actions of the FBI, the case is almost certain to end in a mistrial. "We are going to move for an immediate mistrial and ask the judge to recuse himself from the next trial," explained Bryant's attorney Pamela Mackey, "These are such obvious grounds for a mistrial, I can't believe we actually have to make the motion."

This is only the latest in a series of gaffes that have plagued the trial. From the beginning, Bryant's accuser has been repeatedly named in court and in public and private medical records have been accidentally made public. "The third error's a charm, they say," said one transcriptionist on condition of anonymity, "Once a trial gets this screwed up, there's usually a mistrial on the horizon."
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