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88% of Americans Abnormal, Says Government Study
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WASHINGTON (Reuters) -- About eighty-eight percent of Americans are clinically 'abnormal', according to a U.S. government study. "Since we're responsible for preparing documents for public consumption, we need to be sure we write what the average American can understand," said Homeland Security Public Relations Director Rita Liming, "So we commissioned a study to determine 'normalcy'. It was a great shock to us when we found that only a small minority of the public is truly 'normal'."

"Your average normal person is actually kinda weird."
-- Eugene McFutts, Researcher
The study found that more than 9 percent have a mood disorder such as major depression or manic disorder, while more than 11 percent have an anxiety disorder. Further suggesting the study is on the right track, 50 percent acknowledged they felt 'most people didn't like them', while the remaining 50 percent admitted they 'don't like most people'.

The survey, conducted by the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse, Alcoholism, and Recreational Albuterol Use questioned 43,000 adults at length to see if they have the clinical symptoms of 'normalcy'. "Not everyone has what it takes to be normal," said Eugene McFutts, lead researcher for the study, "Your average normal person is actually kinda weird."

The survey results, published in the Archives of General Psychiatry and the Journal of Clinical Psychiatry, represent the largest-ever such study of normalcy in the United States, the NIAAARAU said.

The study projected that only 4.2 million or 2 percent of Americans meet the criteria to be considered normal.
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