The Bentinel Logo Home | FAQ | Links | Book (New!) | Archive
Bending the truth to fit the facts!
-- Clean, family-friendly news satire and parody --




Book (New!)


RSS feed for The Bentinel

Let us send you an email when a new story is published! Enter your email address above and press Alert Me!
privacy policy

Did you know?
Fed Raises Bush Popularity a Quarter-Point
(email to a friend)

WASHINGTON, D.C. - The Federal Reserve, acting on flagging job creation numbers and low consumer spending, decided Tuesday to raise President Bush's national popularity one quarter point. "A measured move was expected," said economist Graham Lyle, "Most analysts were looking for a quarter, some even hoped for a half point bump." The Fed chairman Alan Greenspan said in announcing the move, "It is our goal to gently nudge President Bush through this 'soft patch' in his poll numbers. Amid the Iraq crises, the jobs crises, and the health care crises, we felt a quarter point was an appropriate response."

"I wish I had a fairy godfather to turn to when I make mistakes."
-- Democratic Presidential Nominee John Kerry
Most economists feel that an additional bump will be needed prior to the election to insure the President's win in November. "I think a rate increase is quite certain for the September meeting," said Sang Long Sung, chief economist at Wells Fargo in Minneapolis. "It will depend on how the numbers come in, with the next employment report being the most important factor. If it dips again, you can bet Alan will tighten the reins and beat up more support for Bush."

The Fed will want to see if the job market bounces back after two disappointing months, including a tiny 32,000 jobs created in July. That's the weakest showing since last December and far below the 200,000-plus new jobs economists had expected last month. "Without more jobs," reiterated Sung, "The Fed will have to inject better than three-quarters of a point into the President's popularity to even make it an even race."

"I wish I had a fairy godfather to turn to when I make mistakes," said Democratic Presidential nominee John Kerry during a stump speech following the Fed announcement, "But all I have to lean on are my values, my illustrious military career, and millions of my wife's dollars to swab up any deficiencies." He added, stoically, "I'm just joking about the money, of course."
(email to a friend)


Looking for the best web site in the whole world? Look no further than! Loonwatch Islamophobia Ilisha, a site exposing the lies about Islam and Muslims. Do you think you have a Russian Girlfriend? Think again! Are you looking for a family portrait or wedding photographer in Dallas, Texas? Images by Andi is here for you! Looking for gently-used, cheap, tax-free cigarettes? They're available here. In the market for Weber Grills? This site has 'em. Are you addicted to sugar? Then you could use Self-Help for Sugar Addiction. Like movies? Check out these Movie Trailers. Down on your luck? Perhaps you'll need some Prescription Drugs Online. If that doesn't help, maybe you'll just stay home and Download movies. With the money you save on popcorn, you can play at this online casino . If you're driven into Drug Abuse, this site has the answer. Like jokes? Visit The Joke Teller Web Site! Like games or programs? Go to Josef's site!

Copyright 2003-2004, The Bentinel (, All Rights Reserved