NAJAF, Iraq - Hopes were high Thursday when it was announced that a peace deal had been struck between Shiite Cleric Muqtada al-Sadr and Grand Ayatollah Ali al-Sistani. But those hopes quickly faded amid reports that al-Sistani privately referred to al-Sadr as a 'Whack-O'. "I may not have the translation exactly correct," admitted a man who claims he overheard the Ayatollah, "It may have been 'Whack Job', or 'Whacked Out', but it definitely was derogatory." Al-Sadr has vowed to dig in and instruct his followers to 'fight to their last drop of blood' after the grave insult became public.

"The child of Allah is mistaken, I assure you," said an aide to al-Sistani, "The Ayatollah would not speak in this manner." However similar comments have been attributed to al-Sistani in the past. He reportedly referred to Saddam Hussein as "a pompous, coked-up dimwit" and President Bush as a "salivating dog, eagerly awaiting the scraps of our land." The ever-secretive Ayatollah refuses to comment on these allegations.

"It's a very sad development," said Kasim Daoud, Iraq's minister of state for military affairs, "We looked forward to the conclusion of this. Now it is brought back upon us. Why can't we all just get along?"

"That might be a record for peace-deals," said Marine Captain Barry Catson, "Even by Iraqi standards, sixty-three minutes isn't very long."
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