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Franks Pins Breakup of Pangea on Democrats
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NEW YORK, NY - New York Governor George Pataki served as the master of ceremonies for the final day of the Republican National Convention, overseeing the introductions and transitions of various esteemed members of the GOP to and from the podium. As with any similarly one-sided gala, many lop-sided statements and accusations were hurled from the platform, falling comfortably on the ears of the party faithful. But even dyed in the wool Republicans found it difficult to support retired General Tommy Franks as he laid out his explanation for why the Democrats are responsible for the breakup of what has retrospectively been named Pangea, the so-called super-continent that broke up some 200 million years ago into what would eventually become the continents as we know them.

"I don't know where Franks was coming from on that one."
-- Presidential Aide
"Why does America have two shorelines to defend?" demanded Franks, "Why must we send ships around the world to battle evil dictators? Because we let the fox watch the chicken coop and let that precious continent of Pangea slip through our fingers!" His crescendo was met with limited applause. He continued, "Who was in power during all this? Was it the Republicans? You bet your sweet bippy it wasn't. If we had been holding the reins, do you think we woulda let some sissy tectonical flip-flopping walk away with our land? You bet your sweet bippy we wouldn't!"

The President took the podium himself later in the evening. He thanked Franks for his "lively, enthusiastic presentation" but did not touch on the subject matter, sticking largely to his prepared speech. "I don't know where Franks was coming from on that one," said a presidential aide after the session, "It wasn't in his rehearsal speech. I don't think we'll be hearing much from the general in the future."
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